Distinguishing Connections from Relationships

The relationships we bump into as we move in our life that have powerful, strong chemistries are guaranteed to be past-life relationships that in one way or another represent some uncompleted part of ourselves, some pattern of tension we have built within ourselves that has become a part of the structure of us, which we have to be able to engage and transcend. When I say “transcend,” that does not suggest any particular outcome to that experience.

In these kinds of very strong experiences of connectedness that we have, you have to understand: it’s not about relationship, it’s about connection. This is especially true when you have a spiritual teacher.  What most people do not understand about these very powerful relationships that have tremendous energy in them for us is that it’s about connection; it’s not about relationship. This is true everywhere in our life. And so, when you have a connection that requires you to suspend all of the “accounting” features of your relationship, you have to bring a deeper part of you to connect to a deeper part of your experience of whatever person this is in your life, and you have to have the capacity to connect to and participate in that energy without getting tangled up in who’s doing what to whom, and why, and so on.

The thing is, in strong relationships where there’s strong chemistry—whether it’s strong positive chemistry or strong negative chemistry—that strong chemistry automatically is going to evoke tensions.  It’s going to evoke tensions because any encounter with strong energy is going to change you; and when it changes you, your mind and your ego start grasping for anything they can to hold on to some certainty. But in the dimension beyond time and space, where these past-life relationships endure, there is absolutely no certainty and nothing to hang on to.  There’s nothing to hang on to. And your only point of reference is going to be flow, or love.

It’s not about what you think is right or wrong; it’s not about what you want or you don’t want; it’s not about your idea of anything.  It’s about flow. And that flow can be described as love. The ultimate reality manifesting itself as individual currents of creative energy between human beings is love. It is that fine energy that has the power to dissolve all structure, to dissolve everything that magnetizes you to the ordinary dimensions of your life, so that you’re able to really open yourself profoundly, deeply, and be in contact with that simple, natural vibrancy and abundance that you are—the abundance that is present right here, right now.

So much of the time, whether in our spiritual work, in our lives, or in our search for nourishment and for growth and self-improvement, we become confused about the issue of relationship versus connection. Think of it this way: relationship is structure; connection is nourishment. With careful discipline, cultivating these powerful connections in our life will nourish us deeply and release us from the tyranny of our ego and the disappointments of our ancestors.